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Dear Abby: We don’t want our unstable aunt to attend our father’s funeral.
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Dear Abby: We don’t want our unstable aunt to attend our father’s funeral.

DEAR ABBY: My aunt tends to exclude people from her life for perceived slights, small, big and imagined. A few years ago, she got into a fight with my father (her brother). Somehow, the rest of my family got shut out too. Guilt by association, I guess.

He’s done this to me so many times that I decided this would be the last time. I no longer want the drama of being “let back in” (without explanation or apology) and then mysteriously having my access cut off again.

Unfortunately, my father is ill. He and his sister have made contact recently, but it is only a superficial conversation. When he dies, how will I let her know he has died without inviting her back into my life? No one in our family wants her at the funeral. Thank you for your wisdom. — UNSAFE IN THE WEST

DEAR INSECURE: Tell your aunt about her brother’s death and let her decide if she wants to attend the funeral. If she does, be cordial. The woman is obviously worried, but she should be allowed to pay her last respects if she wants to. Allowing her to do so doesn’t have to change anything between the two of you. Remember that funerals are there to comfort the living, and that includes your aunt.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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